Tag Archives: @TamerieShriver

LIFE IS SHORT

Posted on by
Reply

I have to confess that  I took the title of this post from an article in the current (September) issue of Oprah Magazine.  The article is by Amy Hempel.  I just googled her, hoping there might be a copy of Life Is Short.  No such luck, so I will have to type the entire thing…

“Life Is Short—Especially when you compress it into a single magical sentence.

By AMY HEMPEL.

The most revealing story I’ve ever written is also the shortest.  Here is ‘Memoir’ in full:  “Just once in my life–oh, when have I ever wanted anything just once in my life?”

If the short, short story is “like a short story, only more so,” as one writer put it, then the one-sentence story is the defining moment, the thing that encapsulates a person with precision and efficiency, memorably.  The defining moment is about recognition, and sometimes recognition can inspire a call to action, make a case for change.  Or not.  Maybe it just conjures reflection, even resignation.

A new friend told me a lot about herself when she proposed that her epitaph read SHE WOULD HAVE GOTTEN MORE DONE, BUT SHE HAD DOGS.  An old friend, an improv comic, wrote the story of his show-biz career:  “He started at the bottom; aimed for the top; he ended up somewhere below in-between.”  Succinct, aphoristic, the one-sentence story that illuminates a life can be a punch line, an epitaph, a proverb or an actual memoir (the standout for me from the collection Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six-Word Memoirs:  “Found true love, married someone else.”)

I also see stand-alone life stories within longer works.  From the novel Lights Out in the Reptile House, by Jim Shepard: It was possible to have kinds of homecoming without home.”  And from the Mary Robison story “Pretty Ice”:  My father had been dead fourteen years, but I resented my mother buying a car in which he wouldn’t have fitted.”

The sentence is the basic unit of construction in a story, and when the sentence is the whole story, the story of your life, you can find clarity, bite and a spotlight turned on the person you are, or were, or someday want to be.  As David Mamet once wrote, “Omission is a form of creation.”  So much is said in these sentences, amplified because the authors left out all the right things.”

 

 

I loved this article, for the simplicity and, of course, the challenge for me to write my life story in a single sentence.  You may remember back in July of 2014, I did a post on writing your life story in 100 words.  If I thought that was difficult, this was a whole other thing to attempt to do.  This was my 100 word life story:   A happy, healthy, loving, kind, silly, adventure-seeking, funny, mostly intelligent, sometimes wildly irreverent, forward-looking spirit having a very human experience. Have faced many life challenges with grace, and survived. Have fought hard to stick around to see what happens next. Looking to make a difference in my life so that I am able, by example, to encourage others to do the same. Believe that one person CAN make a difference, and if we all live with this uppermost in our minds, think of the awesome transformation the world would see. Am ready for blessings that are no longer in disguise.  

After much thought, my Six-Word Memoir would be:

Never gave up, found true love.

 

 

KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN

Posted on by
Reply

If you read my posts on a regular basis you already know that I did a personal yoga challenge for the month of February.  Also, that I do yoga, when not challenging myself to do it every single day, usually 4-5 times a week.  In the various styles of yoga I have done, the very last pose of most classes, and the one pose that is considered the hardest, is called savasana.  This is pronounced either sha-va-sa-na or sa-va-sa-na.  It is a Sanskrit word that means corpse pose.  It is called that because you are lying on your back, not moving.  Personally, it is one of my favorites.  The idea behind it is to do absolutely nothing, which means you quiet your body and your mind.  The body, I really have no problem keeping still, at least not for the 5 or so minutes that usually constitute savasana; my mind, though I like to think it is quiet, the truth is, it probably isn’t.  Actually, I know it isn’t.

In what I will call ‘normal’ yoga, that is, all the different types of yoga that I have done, except Bikram, when you are in savanna, your eyes are closed.  And honestly, there are times when we are in, say, warrior two, and the instructor will encourage us to close our eyes, just to feel the pose.  Most poses on the back can be done with the eyes either open or closed, which to me means to have my eyes shut, and I like it that way.  Since most of the classes I do are outside, I wear sunglasses, whether it is sunny or overcast;  but even with my eyes protected, I prefer them shut.  Bikram, however, is a completely different story.  When I was going to Bikram yoga, my teacher would say, ‘This is a 90 minute meditation with your eyes open the entire time.’  I will admit that the first week or so, I had a really hard time keeping them open.  I got better as the month went on, but I still had to mentally and purposefully keep them open, especially when we are in the mini-savasanas between the poses on the floor that make up half of the class.  To me, yoga is as much about feeling the postures and poses as the actual position of my body.  And I feel things better with my eyes closed.

While my mind was supposed to be quiet, I was thinking about how keeping ones eyes open can be a metaphor for life.  When we do not keep our eyes open we can miss what is right in front of us.  Or conversely,  we shut our eyes to what is right in front of us.  We can choose to see or not see, and we can do that whether our eyes are open or shut.  How can one possibly stop to smell the roses if those roses haven’t been seen first?

When I lived in Europe, I walked more than I took the bus or taxis.  And when I walked, I frequently would look up, and I mean, way up, so that I could see the tops of the buildings, which were more often than not, even more beautiful than the view at street level.  I would never have known this had I not looked up.  At the same time, if you are always and only looking up, then it stands to reason you will miss whatever is on the ground in front of you.  It is a balancing thing; you kind of have to do both.  Of course, Mae West said that “too much of a good thing can be wonderful.”  Personally, I do not think that you can ever see too much.

We’ve all had experiences where, even with our eyes open, we cannot remember how we got where we are, literally or figuratively.   So, eyes opened or eyes shut, it is up to us to see, or not see, where we are, and maybe even more importantly, where we are headed. Still, if you aren’t aware of what’s truly going on around you and are walking with your ‘head in the clouds,’ you just might get hit by a bus.  Awareness, then, seems to me to be the real key, whether your eyes are open or not.

 

 

 

TRUST AND FAITH AND TIMING

Posted on by
Reply

How many times have we heard that we need to trust the process?  That we need to have faith that everything happens in perfect and Divine timing?  While I think both of those things are important, the truth is it all comes down to timing.  You can meet the right person at the wrong time.  Or who turns out to be a wrong person at the right time.  But until the planets align and everything else conspires in your favor, for lack of a better way to put it, you are probably barking up the wrong tree.  I know I was.

After my breakup with B, I so wanted to be ready for another relationship, and to that end, I tried March.com.  Twice.  Nothing happened, and I do mean nothing.  No response from anyone, let alone anyone I might have fancied.  Clearly, I was not ready.  I seemed to have a negative force field surrounding my photos and my profile, that, basically said, STAY AWAY!  Seriously, this was not a healthy thing to put myself through.  I finally realized that I still needed time to heal and grieve; heal from my attack and grieve for my lost relationship.  And while I missed B horribly at times, I also realized it was not so much him that I missed but being in a relationship.  Because in spite of what we went through with my sexual assault, we did have a very good, even great, relationship.  Unfortunately, as I’ve said before, however good the relationship was between us, it did not survive my attack.

Finally, this past January, 2 years after my breakup, I joined a Coronado singles group.  It was, as all these groups seem to be, mostly women.  I did meet a guy who I thought was a potential partner.  In the end, though, it was not a good match.  And speaking of Match, I would periodically look to see if there were any (new) interesting men on the site.  What I discovered to my dismay was that it was all the same men who always seem to be on there.  Not very promising at all.  I truly was on the point of giving up completely, of deciding that, perhaps, I was not meant to be in a loving relationship, after all.  This did not make me happy, but I simply was not willing to compromise on what I want and know I deserve.  So, one more time I was checking out Match.com and, on the spur of the moment, I joined.  The difference was I was actually ready.  I knew it, and I knew I’d meet someone this time.

It happened very quickly.  I joined on a Wednesday, was contacted by J on Thursday, talked on the phone with him on Friday, met on Monday, had a second date on Thursday before leaving town for a family reunion, texted with him while gone, and have had several more dates with him since.  I think you can kind of get the picture.  What was so cool, what is so cool is that we both knew right from the start that it was exactly what/who we had both been looking/hoping/praying would show up for, well, ever.  I knew as soon as I read his profile, but was hesitant to say it out loud , even to myself.  But I KNEW.  I just knew.  And he knew, too.

So what it really does come down to is timing, trite as it may seem.  I was ready, he was ready, and we connected.  And I can honestly say, he was worth the incredibly long wait!

Just a few quotes that seem particularly on point:

IMG_0878.PNG

242604385_lWDZMnUh_b

55521007875801253_oFCzLH5e_b

Screen Shot 2013-04-23 at 7.42.00 AM

 

 

AN OH SO POWERFUL MIND

Posted on by
Reply

We hear a lot about the mind and how powerful it is.  Along those same lines is ‘be careful what you wish for/think because you just might get it/manifest it into your life.  This was never more true for me than on the 4th of July.  I was up early because I had two breakfast parties, the parade and then another party to attend.  The first started at 7a, and I arrived just after that, the first to show up, and those of you who know me personally will know this is typical of me.  I mean, if you don’t want me to show up at the time you tell me, you had better tell me a later time, and then I’ll show up at that time.  But I digress…

So, I show up to E and G’s home, which has been all decked out in its red, white and blue finest.  E is a great cook and has made gluten-free blueberry pancakes, among other delights.  I eat two, with whip cream, and I enjoyed every last bite.  I had a bit of orange juice and then decided I’d like to have water.  I got a red solo cup and removed the plastic wrap from the pitcher of fruit-infused water.  I took a sip and thought it tasted a bit weird, but figured it was the fruit giving it this slightly different taste.  I continued to drink half of it, and when G came by, I asked him, pointing to the pitcher, if it was water.  He assured me it was.  So I continued drinking it.  By this time, I had almost finished it and when I saw E, I asked her about it.  She proceeded to tell me it was white sangria!  Dang it!  I did not mean to start drinking quite that early.  We had a good laugh and I then understood why it tasted ‘funny.’

The most amazing part of this story is that because I was expecting water, I thought it was water, and until someone told me differently, I believed I was drinking water.  Granted, it didn’t exactly taste like water, but it sure didn’t taste like wine either.  I was so convinced I was drinking water that I could only taste water, albeit a bit off.  Again, I truly thought the fruit had altered the taste of.

While this may be a slightly silly example, it still illustrates the power of the mind.  I got exactly what I believed I was getting.  Or as Robert G. Allen says, “The future you see is the future you get.”  And Peace Pilgrim said, “If you knew how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought.”  What you think is what is, no two ways about it.  Instead of turning water into wine, I kind of did the opposite!  Or at least I thought I had!

SUMMERTIME AND THE LIVING IS JUST THE SAME AS ALWAYS

Posted on by
Reply

At least for me it is…

This morning as I was walking home from the bank, I noticed, in the distance, a little girl come out of her house,  She was wearing her bathing suit.  What flashed in my head was a memory of how summer used to be…  when I was a kid, and even through high school…  until I got my first job.  Actually, even after I had my first job because it was just part-time and I usually worked in the afternoons.  We were never allowed to sleep late, but since I had diving practice at 7am every day in the summer, I was up early anyway.  As soon as I got up, I put my bathing suit on.  And more often than not, when we were on vacation in Cape Hatteras, to save time in the mornings, I would simply sleep in my bathing suit.  That way I was ready as soon as I woke up to get my day started.  Or I was just lazy and sleeping in it was one less thing I had to do when I got up.  Anyway, seeing that little girl this morning reminded me that summer is a different experience when you are a kid.  I think that only children, and retired adults, can truly, truly enjoy summer.

I live in Southern California where it is, pretty much, always summer, at least it seems that way.  Still, there is something about the ‘real’ summertime that feels different.  And here on Coronado, the island is gearing up for the big 4th of July festivities.  That makes it even more of a challenge for me to come home and work.  Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do, and know that I am very fortunate to be self-employed and to work at home.  However, it is times like this that make me long for a time when all I had to do in the morning was get up, put my bathing suit on and go to the pool for the entire day.  I do have slipcovers that must be finished before the 4th though, so I will do what has to be done.  Just know that in my mind, in my imagination, I am playing in the ocean like the dolphin I always wanted to be when I grew up!

These pictures were taken at a swim meet on 9 June 1975, my fifteenth birthday.  I dove and then swam several events:

Scan 67 Scan 59

IT’S JUST A NUMBER

Posted on by
Reply

Yesterday was my birthday.  I am now 55 years old.  I have no problem telling any and everyone this.  It does not bother me in the least.  In fact, I love to say how old I am.  For one thing, people are usually shocked since they think I am much younger; and secondly, and much more importantly, I have worked really, really hard to make it to 55.  I cannot understand the reluctance of some people to admit how old they are.  And why is it such a big deal anyway?  We, as a society, definitely like to categorize everything:  female, male, straight, gay, black, white, young, not-so-young.  Personally, I do not like the term middle-aged, mainly because it has such a derogatory connotation.  And, really, you don’t know when you were ‘middle-aged’ until you die.  It’s like, once you are past, oh, 40 or so, life ends.  Really?  REALLY?  No, I don’t think so.  Such a big deal is made about ‘thinking outside the box,’ so why do we put people in boxes by defining them in terms of age?

I remember when I turned 30 and one of my cousins, who is 9 years older, told me that now that I was 30, my body would start to fail me.  At the time, I thought, “well crap.”  Then I thought about it some more and realized that it was he who was full of crap.  It was the most ridiculous thing, I thought, to tell someone.  And why?  Why put a stupid idea into my head?  Luckily, I recognized it for what it was…his experience of life, not mine.

I also know a lot of people, relatives and friends, who would just as soon forget their birthday.  Me, I like to tell everyone, starting 6 months before, on the 9th of December, which is my half-birthday (and Donny Osmond’s actual birthday!)  Then from 9 March, which is 3 months away, then 9 April, 2 months until MY birthday, 9 May, which is my cousin Jennifer’s birthday and 1 month from mine, I tell people.  Not everyone I know, mostly just close friends, but tell I do.  And the actual day, I tell everyone I come in contact with, because it is a celebration of the day I was born, and because you get lots of free stuff if they know it’s your birthday.  I like free stuff!  Who doesn’t?

Yesterday I took the day off from working.  I woke up at 4a, I think, because I was excited.  I met my friend Mike for a walk at 5a, then I went to beach yoga at 8:30a, then a movie at 11:30a (“Aloha” – very cute, with Bradley Cooper, Emma Stone and Bill Murray) and after that lunch at True Food Kitchen.  I received hundreds of birthday wishes from Facebook friends and family members.  As silly as it may be, I love when I am told Happy Birthday.

I am happy to tell you exactly how old I am.  All I ask is not to be put in a preconceived notion box of what our society thinks 55 is.

Below is a picture of me on my 49th birthday at Disneyland:

IMG_0073.JPG

MAKING CHANGES

Posted on by
Reply

I wanted to name this post ‘Transitioning;’ however, given the huge life changes that Bruce Jenner has made into Caitlyn Jenner, the word seemed more than a little inappropriate for what I am doing these days.   Instead, I went with ‘Making Changes.’   And, really, the changes I am making have to do with my business and this website, and not huge life changes.    As most of you know, by profession, I am a seamstress.  I sew, plain and simple.  I specialize in home furnishings…slipcovers, window treatments, pillows, cushions, bedding, anything for the home.   My business has been booming the last year or so, which means I work a lot and sew all the time.  This is both good and challenging.  Since I am working long days, sometimes 10 or more hours, I am understandably tired and feeling like I have to write is just adding to my tiredness.  Don’t get me wrong, I love to write and have a lot to say; lately, though, I don’t always have the energy to do it along with everything else I am doing.

I have started posting on my Instagram (tamerieshriver) more often to promote my ‘real’ business.  The cool thing about Instagram is the ability one has to post multiple places at the same time.  When I post something there, I also share it with @sewtamerie and Facebook.  I am still posting a daily quote on both of my Facebook pages, which automatically posts it to my other Twitter @tamerieshriver.   When I post on this site, this goes out to both my Facebook pages (personal and my At Long Last Heard page), my LinkedIn, and @tamerieshriver.  It’s all so confusing, and, apparently, necessary since so much of how business is conducted today is through social media.  And then there is my other web site, A Little of This That and the Other,  which I post on each Friday.   Can you see my dilemma?  Lots to do and not a lot of extra time, which brings me to the whole point of this post: I will continue to write posts for this site, will continue to tell my story (and believe me there is a ton I’ve yet to tell) and will not be so concerned if I feel unable to write and post once a week.  If you want to keep up with me, I’ve given you lots of other options.

THE POWER OF YOUR MIND

Posted on by
1

“If we plant apple seeds, we will get apple tress.  If we plant daisy seeds, we will get daisies; we will not get watermelons.  We can get only manifest that which we plant or place into the fertile Law of Mind.”  This passage was written by Rev. Patti Paris and was the reading from today’s Daily Guide in Science of Mind.  She goes on to say, “It is our responsibility, then, to become clear regarding what we desire.If we are not propelled by our desires, we may be pushed along by our fears.  Then what out-pictures is more likely to be what we do not want rather than what we want.

As we shift our vision from fear to faith, we can spend more time in what we desire instead of what we fear.

This takes time and dedicated spiritual practice, but the habit of thinking negatively will be replaced by the positive thoughts and feelings.  With all our attention going to what we would have, it becomes our experience.  As the saying goes, ‘Energy flows where attention goes.'”

Is it easy to think only positive, happy thoughts?  Of course not.  It has been my experience, though, that it is possible to shift one’s mindset to a more positive channel.  This coming from a life-long pessimist.  I know it can be done because I did it.  It is a process and something that I work on daily.  And, really, that’s okay.

I know you’ve heard all of this before, as I have.  Something struck me this morning, though, when I was reading this.  To me, it is so simple to understand that you will never, ever, get watermelon from apple or daisy seeds.  As Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right.”  Whatever you think is!  IMG_0008.JPG

WORK, WORK, WORK

Posted on by
Reply

After my sexual assault, though I did my best, I really did not work for over a year.  Because I had a traumatic brain injury and was unable to think properly, work was very difficult.  If someone wanted a square (read ‘normal’ here) pillow, I could do it because I’ve made about a million and don’t have to use my brain or think how to make it.  If there was any variation, though, I simply was unable to do it.  Or if I did, it took me forever.  Over time I healed and so did my brain.  Looking back it seems like the Universe was right there for me as far as the amount of work I had.  While dealing with my attack and getting my mind and body through the trauma, I still had work, but not a lot of it.  Enough to somewhat get by.  Now, that has changed drastically, which is actually a good thing.  No, it’s a very good thing.  To me, it means that I am truly healed.  Oh sure, I have my moments when I wonder if my brain really is working, but that could just be how I am, with or without a TBI. I literally have so much work these days that if I think about it too much, I feel like going to bed.  It’s hard to get much done while sleeping, though I’ve tried.

So, today, because I have a deadline for the job I am currently working on, and it is necessary to stick to these due dates as much as possible, and because I am a member, I am going to the San Diego Zoo to see the new giraffe baby.  Sometimes a mental health hour or two, if an entire day in not really feasible, is necessary.  Then I can come home and get back to work.

UPDATE – I did go to the zoo and even got to see the baby giraffe!  The picture isn’t so good because I was far away and it is thru a fence, but I still got to see him/her.  Because the baby was born yesterday afternoon around 1:30p, they are not yet sure of the gender. Even from a distance, it was still pretty cool to see.  At birth, the baby was 6’1″ tall and weighed 150 pounds!

Newborn giraffe at the San Diego Zoo, 20 May 2015

Newborn giraffe at the San Diego Zoo, 20 May 2015

15 SIMPLE WAYS TO SPREAD KINDNESS…

Posted on by
Reply

15 Simple Ways to Spread Kindness in Your World Starting Today
by HENRIK EDBERG

“Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate.”
~Albert Schweitzer

“Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind.”
~Henry James

“Kindness is often a pretty simple thing to spread in the world.

But we sometimes forget about it. Or don’t remember how it can help us all.

Three things that I like to keep in mind and that help me to try to be a kinder person are these:

I get what I give. Yep, some people will be ungrateful, miserable and not reciprocating no matter what you may do. But most people will over time treat you as you treat them.
By being kinder to others I am more likely to be kinder to myself. It may sound a bit odd but my experience is that when I am kinder towards others then my self-esteem goes up and I think more highly about myself.
It creates a happier place to live in. Being kinder simply makes my own little world a nicer and happier place to live in.
So how can you start spreading the kindness in your daily life?

Here are 15 simple ways to do it.
Pick one of the them that resonates with you and start spreading the kindness today.

1. Express your gratitude.

Think about what you can be grateful for about someone in your life. Maybe that he is a good listener, that he often is quick to help out or that he always adds great songs to a Spotify playlist. Or simply that he held up the door for you.

Then express that gratitude in a simple “thank you!” or in a sincere sentence or two.

2. Replace the judgments.

No one likes to be judged. And the more you judge other people the more you tend to judge yourself. So despite the temporary benefit of deriving pleasure from the judgments it is not a good or smart long-term habit.

When you feel the urge to judge ask yourself: what is one kind thing I can think or do in this situation instead?

3. Replace the unconstructive criticism.

Try encouragement instead of excessive criticism. It helps people to both raise their self-esteem and to do a better job.

And it will make things more fun and more light-hearted in the long run.

4. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.

It is quite easy to resort to unkindness when you see things just from your perspective. Two questions that help me to see and to better understand other viewpoints are:

How would I think and feel it if I were in his or her shoes?
What parts of this person can I see in myself?
5. Recall how people’s kindness made you feel.

Just sit down for a few minutes and try to recall one time or a few times when other people’s kindness really touched you and helped you out.

Then think about how you can do those very same things for someone in your life.

6. Express kindness for something you may often take for granted.

It is easy to remember and to feel motivated to express kindness when someone is having a rough time or have just finished an important project.

But also remember to express kindness for how someone continues to put so much love into the dinners you eat. Or for being on time every day and doing their job well and keeping deadlines.

7. Hide a surprising and kind note.

Leave a small note with a loving or encouraging sentence in your partner’s or child’s lunchbox, hat, tea-container or book that he or she is reading right now.

That minute of your time will put a smile on her face and joy and motivation in her heart.

8. Just be there.

Listen – without thinking about something else – when someone needs to vent.

Just be there fully with your attention. Or have a conversation and help someone find his or her way out of fear and to a more constructive and grounded perspective.

9. Remember the small acts of kindness too.

Let someone into your lane while driving. Let someone skip ahead of you in a line if he’s in a real hurry. Hold up the door for someone or ask if they need help when you see them standing around with a map and a confused look.

10. Give someone an uplifting gift.

Someone in your life may have a bit of a tough time right now. Then send him or her an inspirational book or movie. Or simply send an email with a link to something inspiring or funny that you have found like a blog, article or a comic.

11. Help someone out practically.

Give them a hand when moving or with making dinner or arrangements before a party. If they need information, then help out by googling it or by asking knowledgeable people that you know.

12. Help the people in your life see how they make a difference in their lives.

When you talk to someone about his or her day or what has been going on lately then make sure to point out how he or she also has spread kindness and given value. People are often unaware of the positive things they do or they minimize them in their own minds.

So help them to see themselves in a more positive light and to improve their own self-esteem.

13. Remember the 3 reasons for kindness at the start of this article.

It will help you to be kinder even when you may not always feel much like it. If you like, write those reasons down on a piece of paper and put that note where you can see it every day.

14. Pay it forward.

When someone does something kind for you – no matter how big or small – then try to pay that forward by being kind to someone else as soon as you can.

15. Be kinder towards yourself.

Then you will naturally treat other people with more kindness too. It is truly a win-win habit.

A simple way to start being kinder toward yourself is to each evening write down 3 things you appreciate about yourself and about what you have done that day in a journal.”

 

This post is from thePositivityBlog.com.