Is this a good thing? Well, at times it can be very exciting. At others, not so much. It seems I barely get through one thing and another rears its not-so-pretty head. I do believe that everything happens for a reason, and that whatever it is, it moves us along our path. Take my sexual assault–I knew right from the moment it happened that it would teach me many things, that it was, in fact, necessary to get me to the next phase of my life. And as difficult as it was, I was okay with it. Truth be told, though I am 98% healed from that whole ordeal, I still have certain triggers that set me off and either make me cry or really piss me off. I am beginning to realize this may be a life-long thing, that I will never be 100% over it. This, too, is okay.
For what is happening now in my life, however, I am definitely not seeing the big picture yet. I know I am still in shock, and it still does not seem real. Two weeks ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. This is something I never, ever, ever thought would happen in my life. I have no family history of any type of cancer. I am super active and have been my entire life; I mostly eat very cleanly, though I definitely have a serious sugar addiction, which I fight sometimes more successfully than others. Still, overall, as my wonderful husband put it the other day, “You look too beautiful and too healthy to be sick.”
Currently I am being biopsied and ultrasounded and MRId and PET scanned and poked and prodded to make sure I am, in fact, as healthy as I look. The type of breast cancer I have is very rare; I am triple positive, which as I understand it means that estrogen, progesterone and a hormone called Her2 are over-expressing and have caused a tumor to form. As of right now, I begin chemo on Tuesday.
I have told very few people of my diagnosis, until this very moment, that is. I am still getting used to it and talking about it makes it more real, which I don’t want it to be. My reason for sharing this with all of you is I am asking for your prayers. I do know that prayer is powerful and I need all the help I can get. Thank you in advance.
So begins another journey I do not wish to be on.