It was brought to my attention that my posts are unclear, so before I get to my journal entries, I just want to make clear exactly what it is I am posting. When the title of my post is a date from 2011 (and 2012 after this post), that means it is an entry from my journal, from that time, of what I was feeling, going through and dealing with. I also want to be clear that I am through my therapy and my PTSD is completely gone. I am no longer depressed (or at least not to the extent I was immediately following the attack and for most of the healing process) and am not in any danger of ‘checking out’ early from this life of mine. I am attempting to tell my story chronologically so that anyone following it can understand what I was thinking and feeling then. My feelings now are different and once the entire story is written, I will be getting into my the continued process and journey. I realize that some of what I write is hard to read, and it does get far worse before it gets better. The whole reason for doing this, though, is to hopefully help others who are in a similar situation and feeling as if they are going stark-raving mad. That certainly is how I felt a lot of the time.
Just a couple of short entries today…
20 November 2011
My horoscope today is worthy of recording in here: ‘A rush of optimism and enthusiasm could propel you into a more positive frame of mind, and you could accomplish wonders. Your circumstances may be turned upside down [understatement of the year, my words.] A move is possible, as is a change in your work. Don’t cling to the shore – flow with the current. Success and good fortune are on the way as long as you let them happen.’ Oh, yes, I like the sound of this. It’s kind of what I’ve been thinking and feeling for a while now. Just need to allow it in.
10 December 2011
Last night Bill asked me if I was planning on walking this morning. I told him I didn’t know, that I’d see if I could. He then pointed out the probable reason that I seem to have so much trouble walking on Saturday mornings now: the attack happened on a Saturday morning. Oh my gosh, how did I not realize this before? That makes so much sense.
Well, we officially start the EMDR on Monday. Another day that is very difficult for me.
Sending you lots of love! Joyce