MAKING CHANGES

I wanted to name this post ‘Transitioning;’ however, given the huge life changes that Bruce Jenner has made into Caitlyn Jenner, the word seemed more than a little inappropriate for what I am doing these days.   Instead, I went with ‘Making Changes.’   And, really, the changes I am making have to do with my business and this website, and not huge life changes.    As most of you know, by profession, I am a seamstress.  I sew, plain and simple.  I specialize in home furnishings…slipcovers, window treatments, pillows, cushions, bedding, anything for the home.   My business has been booming the last year or so, which means I work a lot and sew all the time.  This is both good and challenging.  Since I am working long days, sometimes 10 or more hours, I am understandably tired and feeling like I have to write is just adding to my tiredness.  Don’t get me wrong, I love to write and have a lot to say; lately, though, I don’t always have the energy to do it along with everything else I am doing.

I have started posting on my Instagram (tamerieshriver) more often to promote my ‘real’ business.  The cool thing about Instagram is the ability one has to post multiple places at the same time.  When I post something there, I also share it with @sewtamerie and Facebook.  I am still posting a daily quote on both of my Facebook pages, which automatically posts it to my other Twitter @tamerieshriver.   When I post on this site, this goes out to both my Facebook pages (personal and my At Long Last Heard page), my LinkedIn, and @tamerieshriver.  It’s all so confusing, and, apparently, necessary since so much of how business is conducted today is through social media.  And then there is my other web site, A Little of This That and the Other,  which I post on each Friday.   Can you see my dilemma?  Lots to do and not a lot of extra time, which brings me to the whole point of this post: I will continue to write posts for this site, will continue to tell my story (and believe me there is a ton I’ve yet to tell) and will not be so concerned if I feel unable to write and post once a week.  If you want to keep up with me, I’ve given you lots of other options.

THE POWER OF YOUR MIND

“If we plant apple seeds, we will get apple tress.  If we plant daisy seeds, we will get daisies; we will not get watermelons.  We can get only manifest that which we plant or place into the fertile Law of Mind.”  This passage was written by Rev. Patti Paris and was the reading from today’s Daily Guide in Science of Mind.  She goes on to say, “It is our responsibility, then, to become clear regarding what we desire.If we are not propelled by our desires, we may be pushed along by our fears.  Then what out-pictures is more likely to be what we do not want rather than what we want.

As we shift our vision from fear to faith, we can spend more time in what we desire instead of what we fear.

This takes time and dedicated spiritual practice, but the habit of thinking negatively will be replaced by the positive thoughts and feelings.  With all our attention going to what we would have, it becomes our experience.  As the saying goes, ‘Energy flows where attention goes.'”

Is it easy to think only positive, happy thoughts?  Of course not.  It has been my experience, though, that it is possible to shift one’s mindset to a more positive channel.  This coming from a life-long pessimist.  I know it can be done because I did it.  It is a process and something that I work on daily.  And, really, that’s okay.

I know you’ve heard all of this before, as I have.  Something struck me this morning, though, when I was reading this.  To me, it is so simple to understand that you will never, ever, get watermelon from apple or daisy seeds.  As Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right.”  Whatever you think is!  IMG_0008.JPG

WORK, WORK, WORK

After my sexual assault, though I did my best, I really did not work for over a year.  Because I had a traumatic brain injury and was unable to think properly, work was very difficult.  If someone wanted a square (read ‘normal’ here) pillow, I could do it because I’ve made about a million and don’t have to use my brain or think how to make it.  If there was any variation, though, I simply was unable to do it.  Or if I did, it took me forever.  Over time I healed and so did my brain.  Looking back it seems like the Universe was right there for me as far as the amount of work I had.  While dealing with my attack and getting my mind and body through the trauma, I still had work, but not a lot of it.  Enough to somewhat get by.  Now, that has changed drastically, which is actually a good thing.  No, it’s a very good thing.  To me, it means that I am truly healed.  Oh sure, I have my moments when I wonder if my brain really is working, but that could just be how I am, with or without a TBI. I literally have so much work these days that if I think about it too much, I feel like going to bed.  It’s hard to get much done while sleeping, though I’ve tried.

So, today, because I have a deadline for the job I am currently working on, and it is necessary to stick to these due dates as much as possible, and because I am a member, I am going to the San Diego Zoo to see the new giraffe baby.  Sometimes a mental health hour or two, if an entire day in not really feasible, is necessary.  Then I can come home and get back to work.

UPDATE – I did go to the zoo and even got to see the baby giraffe!  The picture isn’t so good because I was far away and it is thru a fence, but I still got to see him/her.  Because the baby was born yesterday afternoon around 1:30p, they are not yet sure of the gender. Even from a distance, it was still pretty cool to see.  At birth, the baby was 6’1″ tall and weighed 150 pounds!

Newborn giraffe at the San Diego Zoo, 20 May 2015

Newborn giraffe at the San Diego Zoo, 20 May 2015

15 SIMPLE WAYS TO SPREAD KINDNESS…

15 Simple Ways to Spread Kindness in Your World Starting Today
by HENRIK EDBERG

“Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate.”
~Albert Schweitzer

“Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind.”
~Henry James

“Kindness is often a pretty simple thing to spread in the world.

But we sometimes forget about it. Or don’t remember how it can help us all.

Three things that I like to keep in mind and that help me to try to be a kinder person are these:

I get what I give. Yep, some people will be ungrateful, miserable and not reciprocating no matter what you may do. But most people will over time treat you as you treat them.
By being kinder to others I am more likely to be kinder to myself. It may sound a bit odd but my experience is that when I am kinder towards others then my self-esteem goes up and I think more highly about myself.
It creates a happier place to live in. Being kinder simply makes my own little world a nicer and happier place to live in.
So how can you start spreading the kindness in your daily life?

Here are 15 simple ways to do it.
Pick one of the them that resonates with you and start spreading the kindness today.

1. Express your gratitude.

Think about what you can be grateful for about someone in your life. Maybe that he is a good listener, that he often is quick to help out or that he always adds great songs to a Spotify playlist. Or simply that he held up the door for you.

Then express that gratitude in a simple “thank you!” or in a sincere sentence or two.

2. Replace the judgments.

No one likes to be judged. And the more you judge other people the more you tend to judge yourself. So despite the temporary benefit of deriving pleasure from the judgments it is not a good or smart long-term habit.

When you feel the urge to judge ask yourself: what is one kind thing I can think or do in this situation instead?

3. Replace the unconstructive criticism.

Try encouragement instead of excessive criticism. It helps people to both raise their self-esteem and to do a better job.

And it will make things more fun and more light-hearted in the long run.

4. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.

It is quite easy to resort to unkindness when you see things just from your perspective. Two questions that help me to see and to better understand other viewpoints are:

How would I think and feel it if I were in his or her shoes?
What parts of this person can I see in myself?
5. Recall how people’s kindness made you feel.

Just sit down for a few minutes and try to recall one time or a few times when other people’s kindness really touched you and helped you out.

Then think about how you can do those very same things for someone in your life.

6. Express kindness for something you may often take for granted.

It is easy to remember and to feel motivated to express kindness when someone is having a rough time or have just finished an important project.

But also remember to express kindness for how someone continues to put so much love into the dinners you eat. Or for being on time every day and doing their job well and keeping deadlines.

7. Hide a surprising and kind note.

Leave a small note with a loving or encouraging sentence in your partner’s or child’s lunchbox, hat, tea-container or book that he or she is reading right now.

That minute of your time will put a smile on her face and joy and motivation in her heart.

8. Just be there.

Listen – without thinking about something else – when someone needs to vent.

Just be there fully with your attention. Or have a conversation and help someone find his or her way out of fear and to a more constructive and grounded perspective.

9. Remember the small acts of kindness too.

Let someone into your lane while driving. Let someone skip ahead of you in a line if he’s in a real hurry. Hold up the door for someone or ask if they need help when you see them standing around with a map and a confused look.

10. Give someone an uplifting gift.

Someone in your life may have a bit of a tough time right now. Then send him or her an inspirational book or movie. Or simply send an email with a link to something inspiring or funny that you have found like a blog, article or a comic.

11. Help someone out practically.

Give them a hand when moving or with making dinner or arrangements before a party. If they need information, then help out by googling it or by asking knowledgeable people that you know.

12. Help the people in your life see how they make a difference in their lives.

When you talk to someone about his or her day or what has been going on lately then make sure to point out how he or she also has spread kindness and given value. People are often unaware of the positive things they do or they minimize them in their own minds.

So help them to see themselves in a more positive light and to improve their own self-esteem.

13. Remember the 3 reasons for kindness at the start of this article.

It will help you to be kinder even when you may not always feel much like it. If you like, write those reasons down on a piece of paper and put that note where you can see it every day.

14. Pay it forward.

When someone does something kind for you – no matter how big or small – then try to pay that forward by being kind to someone else as soon as you can.

15. Be kinder towards yourself.

Then you will naturally treat other people with more kindness too. It is truly a win-win habit.

A simple way to start being kinder toward yourself is to each evening write down 3 things you appreciate about yourself and about what you have done that day in a journal.”

 

This post is from thePositivityBlog.com.

 

 

JUST WHEN I THINK I’M OKAY…

Today should have been my brother Andy’s 41st birthday.  I wonder if I’ll ever stop feeling so sad on this day?  The picture of us was taken at a family reunion in July 1999.  I was 39 and Andy was 25.

old family pic

 

STRANGE DREAMS

While trying to decide on what to write about today, I thought it was time to go back to 1987 and continue my story of life in West Germany.  As I was reading, I started to notice a pattern of very strange dreams.  I love that I wrote them down, and some have lots of details.  At the time, though technically still married, my marriage was over.  Also, to protect the ‘innocent’ or at least not name names, I will use initials, and where people have the same initial, though not the same names, I will use letters and numbers.  I don’t know how else to do it without flat-out changing the names, and then I have to keep track of who is who, and that is just too much trouble.

12 November 1987

I had a horrible dream last night.  I dreamed that I was pregnant with D1’s baby.  D2 had a girlfriend, and he guessed that D1 was who I had been sleeping with.  I never did tell him that I was going to have a baby.  I’m not sure if D1 knew or not.  A lot more went on in the dream but I can’t explain it.  Anyway, I had a really tough time waking up from it this morning.  It was like I was trapped in theorem and couldn’t escape.  Kind of like my life right now.  Except that I am not pregnant.  I just remembered thinking while I was dreaming that even though it was awful timing to be pregnant, I knew that D1 would pay for the hospital and everything since it was his baby.

19 November 1987

I had the most horrible dream last night.  J died.  And I had to tell everyone.  It was awful.  I woke up dripping wet around my neck.  I had to change my nightgown, that’s how wet it was.  What a terrible dream.  Then I dreamed that she had cut all her hair off at D3’s last night.  She came home this morning with a haircut kind of like L’s and with her curls in her arms.  She is not home yet, so I hope neither of these dreams are true.  I’m so tempted to call her to make sure…Okay, I just called and she is fine, not dead, and she didn’t cut her hair.  What a relief!

25 November 1987

I had such a weird dream this morning.  In the beginning it was J and D3 and me and D1. I have no idea where we were.  I’m not sure what J and D3 were doing, but D1 and I were rolling around on the floor, kissing.  Then we were sitting, talking, with a glass partion between us.  It wasn’t solid though, and I kept sticking my feel under it and he was kissing them.  Then this woman came and told us we were too old to be there.  D1 tried to tell her that we were 12 and 14, but she didn’t believe him.  D1 went out the back side and disappeared.  I decided to go and find J and D3.  I went to the other side of the mall (it looked like Yorktown) to the restaurant I thought they were in.  K, D4, my mother, G, and B were there.  I asked K if she had seen J and D3.  No one knew where they were, though.  K was 5 months pregnant.  It was really weird though because the baby was on the outside.  K and D4 didn’t know if they really wanted this baby.  The baby had blonde hair and blue eyes and freckles.  It was so pretty.  It could also talk.  Anyway, K and D4 were crying because they didn’t know what to do.  I was crying because I wanted a baby.  Mother was crying because everyone else was.  I’m not sure why B was there or why he was crying.  Mother asked me what was wrong.  I told her that I wanted a baby really badly.  She told me that I didn’t have to cry because D2 and I could have one of our own.  I wanted to tell her that, no, we couldn’t because we were going to be having divorce soon, but I couldn’t say it.  Then I woke up because I was crying.

 

Okay, so back to the present.  The really ironic thing was while I kept dreaming about being pregnant, I actually was pregnant.  But I did not know it until I had a miscarriage.  I was on the Pill and I NEVER missed taking one.  I did tell D1 and he was bummed.  Over the years, when he would send me a postcard from some far-flung locale, he would always mention it, usually by saying something like, ‘I hope you’re taking good care of our son.’  Luckily, I had a mother who was very respectful of my privacy and would not even read a postcard if it wasn’t addressed to her.  Still, every time I’d read a comment like that, it would take me back to Hamburg and I’d wonder how things might have turned out differently had I not lost that baby.

KIND VS NICE

Is there a difference?  Can someone be nice, but not necessarily kind?  Or kind but not nice?  If you are a nice person, does this automatically mean you are also a kind person?  Or do nice and kind go hand-in-hand?

According to the Dictionary on my computer:  Nice means pleasant; agreeable; satisfactory.  Kind means good-natured; caring; affectionate; considerate; helpful; thoughtful; compassionate; benevolent.  Of course, all of these descriptions of nice and kind are actually from the thesaurus.  Turns out nice and kind are pretty much interchangeable, at least according to the dictionary/thesaurus.  I’m not sure I agree with this.  To me, they are similar but different.  I think you can be nice, but not necessarily kind; and vice versa.

While it is true that I have written about this subject before, it has been on my mind a lot lately.  I recently obtained a new domain name, actually 2, that have to do with being kind. I see t-shirts, bumper stickers, mugs, really anything that can have a saying put on it.  I think the more reminders we have, the more likely we all are to remember to be kind.  I am not quite ready to unveil my new venture, but I will tell you the initials are WNBK.  I sort of like the idea of just putting the initials on a shirt to spark interest that way.  It’s hard to resist reading/seeing something like that and not asking what it stands for.  Like a vanity license plate that you do your best to figure out.  Or as a friend of mine said, like WWJD.  Most everyone knows what those initials mean.  Can you guess what WNBK stands for?

I think Ralph Waldo Emerson said it very well:

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STUPID JELLY BEANS

I was doing so well.  I ate clean, didn’t drink alcohol and cut out processed sugar in January.  I did yoga for 28 straight days in February, while I continued to eat clean 80% of the time, maybe more; and though I did drink a couple of times, it was not a big deal.  Then March arrived and I didn’t have a planned challenge set up for myself.  Big mistake.  I fell off the sugar wagon in a HUGE way.  I know I’ve written about my addiction to sugar in the past, but for the life of me, I cannot find that post.  If I repeat myself, please forgive me.

So, the first week or so of March, I did okay.  Not doing yoga every single day meant that I could finally get more walking in, which I love and is necessary for my overall health and well-being.  I continued to do Bikram on Wednesdays, mainly because my Groupon was good for two months and I figured, why not use it?  I am definitely not crazy about the class, though the sweating is a good thing.  As it turned out, today was my last day at Coronado Hot Yoga,  unless I wish to buy a class card, which I don’t.  I have another class in mind for Wednesdays, starting next week.  But enough of what I did right.  It was the stupid sweet-tart jelly beans that knocked me off the sugar wagon, which resulted in me going waaay wrong.

Easter is a big problem for me.  Halloween I can get through without too much of a problem, simply because there are no jelly beans, at least not ones that call to me, to have to contend with.  Easter, though, is a whole other story.  And as I was innocently walking past Rite Aid, I went in and, lo and behold, Easter candy.  And not just any candy, but SWEET-TART JELLY BEANS.  So I accidentally bought a bag.  I took it home, opened it up and ate a handful.  ‘Yuck,’ I thought, ‘these aren’t even that good.’  I then proceeded to throw the rest of the bag into the garbage, and just for good measure, I made sure there was no way I could retrieve them from said garbage.  I then thought, ‘well, this is good.  I ate them, they didn’t taste good, so I’ll be fine.’  Wishful thinking!  A few days later, I bought another bag.  I went through the exact same process, ending with me dumping them into the garbage.  Again.  I did this, oh, three more times until I developed a taste for them again.  What a dumb thing to do!  And my hot flashes came back with a vengeance.  Lovely, just lovely.

So, I’d go through a bag in a few days.  I decided that maybe this wasn’t horrible, not great, but not so bad.  Oh, I wish this was the case.  Then the day came when I bought a bag and ate the ENTIRE thing in one day.  Well, crap!  Again, I told myself, NO MORE.  And I’d go, maybe a day or two, if I was really lucky, and then those stupid jelly beans would somehow get in my shopping cart and come home with me.  Not wanting to be impolite, I would, of course, eat them all, yet again.  Then I decided that I would just have to get through Easter.  At this point, it was less than a week away, and once Easter is finished, the stupid Easter candy in the stores is gone.  Thank God!  But wouldn’t you know it, the day after Easter, all Easter candy is half-price!  Are you kidding me?  How am I to resist half-price sweet-tart jelly beans?  I did my best to stay out of the store where they lay in wait for me.  You can guess how well that worked.  Not so well, unfortunately.

I will say that even though there were four bags of those pretty jelly beans, I only bought two of them.  I almost bought them all, but I somehow had some sense left and just got two bags.  In the end, I ate three-quarters of them before throwing the rest away.  Again, I made sure that fishing them out of the trash was not an option, because I’m pretty sure I would have otherwise.

Now, I have to get off sugar again.  Really?  Didn’t I just do this?  Why is it so hard for me to not eat processed sugar?  Why do I seem powerless over jelly beans?  Even when eating them makes me feel like crap?  Sugar truly is a drug to me, and my body reacts accordingly.  Maybe it’s like rehab, and how it sometimes takes more than one or two or three, or more, times for it to stick.  Dang!  I guess there are worse thing s to be addicted to, but, for me, this is pretty bad.  As I sit here writing this post, I keep having hot flashes.  They suck!  A lot!!

I have my work cut out for me, yet again.  I also realized that as much as I love yoga, and practicing it five days a week is much more doable than every day, I am still not getting the exercise I really need.  Other than my ashtanga class with the fabulous Steve Hubbard in Pacific Beach on Saturdays, I really do not get much of a workout.  I decided I need to give up my Tuesday and Thursday beach yoga classes so that I can walk more.  This means I will be cutting my yoga down to 3 days a week.  Hey, if I didn’t have to work, then I could do both.  The reality is I do have to work and the relatively late start times of these yoga classes is making it impossible for me to keep doing them.  I can leave to walk much earlier, which means I’ll be home earlier and can get to work before 10 or 11 each morning.

I know that these problems I am experiencing are, as my friend Stephanie Spence calls them, Prada problems.  Still, figuring out how to make my life work for me is an ongoing challenge.  Fortunately, I am up to it.

 

THE HUNTING GROUND

Today is the first day of Sexual Assault Awareness Month 2015.  As unpleasant and difficult a subject that sexual assault is it is still vitally important that we, all of us, do what we can to change it.  I saw THE HUNTING GROUND on Sunday, and though I cried through most of it, I highly, HIGHLY recommend it.  I only wish it was required for all high school students.  Sexual assault  is an epidemic that we have the power to stop, and we must stop it.

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“THE HUNTING GROUND

From the Academy Award-nominated filmmaking team behind “The Invisible War” comes a startling exposé of sexual assault on U.S. campuses, institutional cover-ups and the brutal social toll on victims and their families. “THE HUNTING GROUND” debuted in January at the Sundance Film Festival and is being released by RADiUS and CNN Films. The film has captured attention across the country, and it has even made it to The Daily Show where Oscar-nominated filmmakers Amy Ziering and Kirby Dick talk about the film’s impact and the scope of this problem.

This film is powerful. Through stories and statistics this film highlights the far-reaching scope of campus sexual assault. It adds names and faces to the many reports, trends and articles on this timely issue. Most importantly, it looks to engage audiences to take action to end sexual assault on college campuses.

NSVRC is partnering with The Hunting Ground this April to help spread the word. We know this film is going to be a conversation starter, and we want to play a role in building this conversation toward action. Stay tuned to hear more from us about how you can be involved.”

For more about the film and a list of screening locations, go to www.thehuntinggroundfilm.com.

A SMALL VACATION

I have been really tired lately.  Haven’t been sleeping all that well, and the time change hasn’t helped.  As I wrote last week, my words just were not coming out like I wanted them to.  Then Sunday, the same thing happened.  I think I need a little break.  I have been really good this year with posting on Wednesdays and Sundays, and though I still have many more stories and experiences to share, I am going to take a small ‘vacation’ from posting twice a week.  I may only need a week.  Maybe two.  And then I’ll be back.